


Claiming A Frozen Asset

by AnonEhouse



Category: Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Crack, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-13
Updated: 2012-04-13
Packaged: 2017-11-03 14:46:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/382485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnonEhouse/pseuds/AnonEhouse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fury has been holding a Stark family asset. Tony collects.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Claiming A Frozen Asset

(If you are reading this on any PAY site this is a STOLEN WORK, the author has NOT Given Permission for it to be here. If you're paying to read it, you're being cheated too because you can read it on Archiveofourown for FREE.)

"What are you doing here, Stark?" Fury said as he put down a stack of file-folders, turned so Tony couldn't read the labels. 

Hah, Tony knew how to read upside down, and backwards, too. Anything DaVinci could do, Tony could do, and _Tony's_ helicopters actually _work_.

"I've come to collect what you owe me." Tony ignored most of the agents in Fury's office, but he kept a wary eye on Coulson, who was wearing that tiny smile that meant his taser was fully charged. 

"And what do you imagine that could be?" Fury gave Tony a bland look that said he would rip Tony's liver out and have it for breakfast if he wasn't trying to cut down on his cholesterol intake.

"Him." Tony grabbed one folder and slapped it down on top of the pile. "My dad, and Stark Industries, which I now own, paid for decades of searches. We funded it. We provided personnel. Hey, we _invented_ technology just for the purpose. And when the search finally succeeded, you took the prize."

"The prize, as you call him, is a human being, Stark. You can't buy him. There are now laws against that sort of thing."

"Exactly!" Tony grinned. "If I can't buy him, you can't own him, either. You have to let him go."

"I don't _have_ to do anything, Stark. I don't have to let _you_ go," Fury said calmly.

"Oh, yeah, no, you really don't want to try that. The last people who held me against my will... you remember? You could see what happened to them from _SPACE_."

"You just think you want him. You don't have a clue."

"Then give me one."

"Or what? Are you threatening me, Stark?"

"Is there anything you're afraid of? No, I'm just telling you. One way or another, I mean to have Captain America."

Fury stood up. "Fine, you know what? I'm not wasting my time playing games with you. Come with me."

"Well, that was surprisingly easy." Tony looked at Fury. 

Fury grunted. "Nothing is easy, Stark. I just want to get you out of my hair as quickly as possible."

Tony looked at Fury's shining dome and decided not to say anything. He followed Fury down numerous corridors, through varied checkpoints, and onto several elevators, including one that traveled sideways, so he was distracted trying to decide what to call an elevator that didn't elevate.

"Here we are." Fury pressed his palm against a plate set in the wall, and a door opened.

Tony looked in the room. Captain America, wearing white jeans and a white t-shirt printed with stylized wings, was sitting on the edge of a bed that looked barely big enough for him. The room was depressingly bare, although spotlessly clean. Captain America's eyes went wide, and he leaped to his feet. "HOWARD!" He ran over to Tony and picked him up, hugging him breathless while Tony pounded on his back in a panic. Over Captain America's shoulder he could see Fury, standing there with a non-expression that seemed full of evil glee to Tony.

Tony managed to wheeze, "You're hurting me. Put me down, please."

"Oh, sure, Howard, sure!" Captain American released Tony who staggered a moment while catching his breath.

"I'm not Howard. Howard was my father. I'm Tony Stark."

Captain America frowned. "But you look like Howard." He grabbed Tony again. "I want Howard. I want to hug him and squeeze him and..."

"I'm NOT Howard!" Tony squirmed uselessly.

"Captain Rogers, do I have to use the taser again?" Fury asked along about the time Tony was beginning to think he could hear his ribs creaking.

Captain America put Tony down, gently this time. "No, no, I'll be good! See!" He patted Tony on the head. "I will hug him and pet him and squeeze him." This time Captain America put his hands down the front of Tony's pants and was more gentle. 

Tony's eyes crossed, but he decided not to struggle. He would just lie back and think of America. It was actually working quite well for him.

"Taser time," Fury said calmly.

Captain America pouted, but he took his hands off of Tony.

"As you can see, Captain America isn't the bright and shiny toy you were expecting. There was some damage from the suspension."

Tony glared at Fury. "How do I know _YOU_ didn't break him! I bet I could fix him."

Captain America hid behind Tony, not very successfully. "I want to go home with Howard, please!" And then he started sniffing like he was about to cry.

"Oh, God, you made Captain America cry!" Tony turned around and put his arms around as much of Captain America as he could reach. "There, there. It's all right. I won't let the big, bad pirate hurt you."

Fury sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "You know what, I really don't need this. Fine, Stark, you can build us some tech, and in return you get to borrow Captain America. You don't get to break him any further, and if he breaks you, I don't want to hear any whining about it. Now get out of here."

***

Tony tightened Steve's seat belt meticulously, and then unleashed the Audi R8. Steve laughed and looked all around, watching the city streets flash by as Tony ignored any rules of traffic that weren't likely to get them in a wreck.

"Thanks, Tony, " Captain America said a few minutes later. "Once I get settled I'll see about paying you back for whatever you're going to do for Fury."

Tony blinked and pulled the car off the road, parking it selfishly across several parking spaces. "Cap! You fooled Fury! That's awesome! Hey, c'mon, you really can stay with me! I have whole houses I don't even use. Dad's ghost would haunt me forever if I let you get lost in the snow again."

"Tony, it's summer. And we're in Southern California."

"The day someone puts something over Nick Fury is a cold day in hell." Tony grinned at Captain America.

"Oh, well, in that case, call me Steve." Steve leaned over and pulled Tony close to kiss him.

***

Back at SHIELD HQ Fury grunted and stapled the Iron Man and Captain America folders together. "Turn off that bug. They don't pay me enough to listen to kissy face."

**Author's Note:**

> Somehow bits of the classic Daffy Duck cartoons featuring the Abominable Snowman got in here. I wasn't really surprised that Tony made a good Daffy, but I hadn't expected Steve to be such a great Snowman.


End file.
